If all my previous posts were about hell at work, this one is sure to eat the cake. I am finding it difficult to live with my parents right now. My mom and I have gaps in trying to realise that she needs to attend to a pregnant woman's basic food needs. Cooks what basic she can... Not very enthusiastic to make it all d more special. Maybe she wants permanent freedom from the cooking department but this is so not the time to feel so if u have a dependent in my state. Last week was upma for dinner and again upma for breakfast. If ur still hungry, all get a small glass of horlicks. Today's dinner is some avial with white rice. U want more, a wheat dosa. If ur still hungry, horlicks in diluted milk. How is this healthy for a 8 month pregnant woman. My own sister felt the food was insufficient. She is just a normal 21 near old. Then imagine my state. The man of the house does not care a damn. He gets to satiate himself outside. Easy for him to compensate his desire. In my case, its no longer a desire to ask for special food. I realise she was not treated with extra care wen she was pregnant. So she finds my expectations quite unreasonable. Things r better after certain highs and lows so far. But still this was not how I wanted things to pan out in my dreams. Life is harsh. All the more worse coz I procrastinated and this causes rifts even in other spaces & relationships coz of constant reminders. This unplanned pregnancy sure is the best lesson in life to NEVER be unprepared henceforth. God help me meet the challenges ahead and find solace, success and independence eternally.

Life sucks big time!

Al my previous posts voice out helplessness, especially about being self-sufficient. Believe me, I never felt so helpless.

Each day at work seems like a step into hell-hole but I am tied down for various reasons. I am so demotivated right now that I can not even think straight as to what is right or how I should defend myself from the brickbats.

My pregnancy is adding to my woes. I do not want to influence my innocent child into this depression that is creeping around me.

I hope there is a decent genuine permanent resolution from all this hell-hole at the very earliest, though I am preparing myself for the last resort to quit.

There are so many things to do and I am just losing all my enthusiasm in everything. Depression speaks big time and I want to get out of it. I have to get out of it.

life and its loci points

I yearn for my freedom and for some things to remain just like how it was when I was single. I yearn to be self sufficient and independent in all arena. Companionship is appreciated but my wish list is getting clearly cross-connected. Sigh. My two immediate desires are to always remain self-sufficient to my contentment and become an all rounder in cuisine and driving. God help me achieve em ALL of my wish list at the earliest.

Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in one of my most abusive moods and yes, I shall also take advantage of the fact that my hormones can reach their peak and subside slow, thanks to oops baby.

What is this other gender filled with or made of? I am in no way going to say that XX gender is filled with vain and tenderness and care and love and selfless - bullshit in its own way in certain aspects. But XY gender is made up of, god knows what, out there.

The men who so badly sometimes make me wild but also love a lot in my life - My dad, my newly wed husband.

The man who has been oh-so-gentle, so far - My fil. Its true that I hardly know him but he has shown a lot of gentleness and dignity that obviously brings back the trust in me for men about some air of improvement.

The men who have been there to provide me humor, intellect, interests, sense of security and no consciousness of the gender difference - Few friends right from school to my previous work-place. Did not meet any such interesting men in college but it hardly matters.

The man whom I want to crush to death using a dinosaur - The *o** because he does not have the balls to use his common sense or empathize or appreciate or support. He can only behave like a robot.

I hate men who are MCPs. And I shall in no way take it lying low. And so should not any self-respecting person.

My man is a man in the true sense. Fun, smart, sharp, lazy, with a temper and also filled with so much logic that he can never easily get why women cry or laugh or yearn or nag. He sometimes has what Hermione rightly said - emotional range of a teaspoon. And yes, he can make me laugh and go wild as well. I sometimes wonder I married him and sometimes I so very well know the reason.

I so wish I knew Karan Johar type and had a best friend like him. No, I do not think he is gay - I just feel he can see beyond the emotional teaspoon range.

However, if there was a choice to skip marriage, I might have opted that as well. This blog is not going to cover the men who interested me or who got interested in me in the romantic sense. And that is because life is not about romance only and people behave different when in love. Maybe it is drugged.

I need to see how life shapes up with its swift changes and consequences in my lifestyle. I wonder how my personality will shape up in the coming years. But I know one thing for sure - marriage is sure a great teacher.

Desire deeply for some immediate changes for the long term

Work, first and foremost desired change - Would like a work nature that is just perfectly tailor-made for me and gives me perfect balance of home-work adjustment and sync, finance, freedom, moral boost, true friendship and creativity.

Health, again first and foremost desired change - Would like me and my new family member and spouse to be in good health mentally and physically ALWAYS. I pray for my family too.

Relationships, again first and foremost desired change - Smooth, peaceful, happy, satisfying, extremely supportive, sincere, ego-less, transparent with privacy in its own way for both the people involved... be it with mil or sil or fil or with parents or siblings or spouse or friends or colleagues or acquaintances or new relations that would be formed in future.

Married life, again first and foremost desired change - Smooth, balanced, fun, exciting, peaceful, happy, satisfying, sincere, ego-less, transparent with privacy in its own way FOREVER for both the people involved.

Parenting - An art that I home to master intuitively along with mastering the art of being the perfect wife/sil/dil/daughter/sister. I want to bring up a normal child who would always get its attention from its parents. And I hope the things that make up my life around will fall in place perfectly.

My own personal side - I sincerely hope life allows me to focus on that in addition to all the above aspects.

I hope my spouse gets his share of satisfactions from life forever in all aspects. Same for my family. Possible if there are no conflicts. Definitely possible.

I sincerely pray that all my prayers are answered SOON. Life would become more meaningful.

If this has been one of the most mind-boggling days at my work place, it is so. Not just the project but also on the people who work with me and are part of the team that I work in.

Imagine coming to work and not having a friendly, ego-clash-less face to smile and say hello or exchange pleasantries or travel woes.

Imagine also the situation where the manager is a pain-point with the fellow tracking your 8 hours at work


However, even on the personal front, it is quite mind-boggling. To sum up, still trying to get a hold on new lifestyle and freedom with set boundaries.

Am married for 2 months and 2 weeks and am pregnant

Well, yes, there it is. Am happy but am very confused because both of us were not prepared for it. Now we are preparing ourselves to embrace it. No point in thinking or talking about what we could have done etc. Am carrying a life within me now. :) Bow thy head and accept what is coming thy way, or rather our way.

It is still too early and the news shall only be shared with the whole wide world after few more months. But every minute and every day coming ahead, I am realizing that my life will no longer be in my control. Or who knows, it will get into my control better.

J is getting into the role of husband NOW and precisely now is when this change happens. Marital bliss as a couple seems short-lived but then its too early to speculate or contemplate.

The first words we exchanged were - "Not sure if its supposed to make us happy or sad." :D Being practical is how I see it.

I am finding this as a pleasant surprise and also a shock coz I had so many plans and I was so sure I wanted a baby only after my first year of marriage. Man proposes, God disposes.

"All is well."