Sam has gotten all cranky nowadays. Right from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to sleep, I am finding it difficult to be with her. Every single task is a challenge and that gets into further complications with my temper, peace of mind, lack of company and health overall. These things also affect my relationships at his place. However, what does it matter? I am more like a robot there, just waiting to get my chores done and off to the bed room. Talking in tamil with my own child is a sinner here. And I am expected to follow every single rule. When newly married, I was ok with sacrificing TV and not reading books. It was expected that I work and do all the chores that I could when I was at home. It actually kept me occupied and then I would go off to read books etc. After Sam's arrival, my whole clock goes bizarre and I can never do a thing as planned. I just keep rushing from pillar to post. And for this new job, it has made my life all the more chaotic. I just hope Sam really behaves herself and eats well with me and whoever decides to feed her. And I hope I really learn to be a smart worker than a hard worker. Her tantrums today got me so furious, what with the mil saying she must go to school with just biscuits as her breakfast. Nonsense it is - what will the child do for 3 hours without a decent breakfast. She was having her porridge diligently until yesterday. That saves a lot of time and I could manage to get her ready and drop. But no, madam has started throwing tantrums and mil wants to play along. What not she went on about some relative kids not eating and managing to grow up. I would like to take all that shit only from one ear. I have no interest in agreeing or disagreeing. All that kind of conversation is just bull crap with an oldie like her. She thinks she knows best. The maid was torn between her and me, but I decided to hang on as it was about my daughter's health. I had to threaten the child and be harsh but then it worked today. However, it spoilt my mood alright. And then I try to vent out to my husband and he cannot take a single word against his mother, whom I really wish d**d. We have been having tiffs and he then tries to reason. I see no point in always expecting to have a conversation with him. If there is some time, it is just in chores almost every single day. I have given up my expectations and even stopped trying to do what his parents want. I realized it is of no use giving. In this kind of a set-up, you do not get anything. I plan to live in such a stifling world only for the sake of my daughter. I hope time will help in improving my patience levels and independence in all ways. I just want a smooth life ahead which is debt-free and peaceful. My kid should listen to me at all times and help me keep in touch with my roots. As for my career, I hope I have reached the right place. God, please give me a lot of strength to help bring up my kid and myself and handle any joy/sorrow equally. Please make me a pillar of strength for myself. I am happy with one kid - please bless my kid, me, my husband, his parents, my parents and sister, maids with good health and good mind-set in all times. Please bless me with a low-pressure job and a decent team and manager and projects. God, please save me and help me. Thanks for everything so far.
