First fight after the knot....

Silly reasons makes people look sillier. :P Look at ours.

Towards the end of one week of work and co-travel, I say, "Lets go out once a week to spend some quality time, preferably Fridays. Maybe some coffee or chaat place, preferably your side of town as you had suggested before the marriage." He says, "Sure, I would like that too. However, lets not fix only one day. Lets be flexible." Fair enough. I say, "OK. However, lets begin this week itself. Lets go out this Friday."

All coz Fridays are free of next day work related routine. Also, I was already away at parents' place for two days and we head home straight after poor him struggling and wading thro traffic or rain from work to his place after a hard day's work on other days.

My insistence for the above reasons makes the boy get objective of taking me and completing the task. He works himself up as we started on our hunt for a coffee place around his area over finding the right place and manage traffic plus car parking. Meanwhile, I started clamming up coz I had lost one of my so many favorite silver earrings at work and was really hungry and wanted to go to any decent place that would allow us to spend time and that was an equal priority to hunger. Knowing him, I did not want to pressurize or tease or get his alarm clock running overtime. The boy runs with lot of bad luck and we land up driving around bangalore for 1.5 hours. He is faced with either no good place or traffic or parking woes. And I am faced with wanting to suggest to go out or head home straight as I am unable to bear the sight of him get so confused. I could see that he was trying his best to impress me and I was unable to do anything more than restrain myself from saying anything wrong to make things worse.

In the end, we head to a nice looking bakery in Basaveshwaranagar after driving thro Cunningham road and Malleshwaram. I was so not in a mood for McD that J had been thrilled to locate after a long hunt. He does not like McD that much anyway. He is surprised at my suggestion to go to the bakery but agrees to go as it looks nice. What happens is that the nice-looking bakery is only nice to look at. I cooled a little by entertaining myself watching a sweet kid eat whatever his relatives fed him obediently. He tries to probe and I honestly replied that I was angry (actually upset) and trying to restrain myself from saying anything wrong to make things worse.

We come home in silence which he hates. (I admit it is not a nice habit. I am trying to unlearn to express my anger or disappointment in such a way.) After exchanging pleasantries with in-laws, I head to the room to vent it out with a close pal over sms. I definitely intended to get back to normal self after that. The sweetheart husband of mine meanwhile walks in to sort out the silence. We brainstorm as politely as it can get and reach the end of the incident where we put across our points and agree to disagree. Later, I walked out politely, still left with few ashes that were being left to cool off on their own in both our minds.

Engaged myself with housework to assist my mil and that surprised J pleasantly. The boy was also cooling off and by the end of the day, we seemed to have gotten somewhere better, at least a better place than the evening scene. :) He did manage to say that he had missed me in his most genuine tone and that obviously cooled off whatever else was left in me. His expressions grew softer and I knew this was helping us to thaw the leftover ice completely. With 99% of the ice thawed, the day ended on a good note.

Sigh, men are such complicated beings and they call us complicated. :) And like I confessed to my close friend, I am learning to experience marital bliss.

Lesson learnt -

Me: I tried to explain I was fine with any place as my main focus was to spend time. He disagreed that I would have been satisfied with such an arrangement. I gave up trying to convince and decided to focus on what more he had to say. I need to curb my natural instincts to do things on the spur of the moment with my ever-so-careful husband. I shall use those instincts when it has got to do nothing with him as it causes confusion due to opposite natures.

Him: He needs to try to unlearn the objective attitude when his woman desires something. And get the comfort level to express what can work best at that point in time. For that, both our understanding and trust levels needs some time.

Us: Going to be tricky to not let the elders know about our silly or not-so-silly squabbles. However, keep it as dignified as possible and smoothen it out at the earliest possible chance. It is a trick to balance the art of compromising and not letting go of your self-respect at the same time.

Few things I am learning about marital bliss.....

1. Compromise over limits of freedom of expression - Do not laugh loud. Do not speak for long. Be accessible.
2. Independent - Use all the time before marriage to become independent in whatever you can think of.... driving, cooking, language, communication skills, finance.....
3. Learn to give space and get space - Sharing is caring. Do not be under the impression that you need to share everything under the sun with your spouse and also know whatever is running on his or her mind or life. This will allow you to step back when necessary and engage your time in something that would make a difference for yourself.
4. What appeals to you is not the focus of the marital world even if it means a small simple thing as to what you would like to eat or mood for "it". Learn to multi-task and adapt so that you can remain at peace and focus on what is necessary and good.
5. Learn to speak your mind and convince in the most effective way such that you can always call it truce as smoothly as possible. Be open to get convinced and see the other perspective. However, remember sometimes that you might not have enough time for all this idealism. Get thinking on your feet fast.
6. Always keep in touch with your roots, no matter how rosy your world might seem in the newly tinted glasses of pink romance. Learn to keep your life to yourself and open up to the right amount. And yet, learn to be independent of the roots too. Tough one.

Of all these things, one thing that I hold precious and close to heart - to be independent and to remember sharing is caring but draw a line. So far so good with minor quirks for a 16 day married life. Praying for the right dose of patience and sensibilities in both of us to lead a successful married life ahead.

Mr. and Mrs. J K

Apr 22, 2011 - The red-lettered day for JK and me. Apr 21 was the reception to announce and celebrate the same in advance. ;) Hosted and celebrated at International S for K C.

When I look back, I sometimes feel I do not know how we reached so far. We have come a long way from where we knew each other and we still have a very long way to go. However, the long way to go from here is different from the long way we took to reach here. It is much more real and much more dynamic than our own imagination. The only thing static is that we are in it together as man and wife.

Dad got very sentimental towards the end of our wedding and said that all this was possible due to both of our efforts. :) In a way, he is very right. However, when I saw the hustle-bustle around me and JK on our D day and the days before that, I would give thank and credit K along with each and everyone in our respective families for everything.

Took a 4 week vacation for the wedding and here I am almost at the end of it with barely any time to realize that its almost the end. Initial week went in beautification and preparing for transfer of items. I procrastinated till the last possible minute and managed to only sort out the jewels. The feeling that I would be finally "officially" shifting choked me and made me procrastinate how much ever I could. Cooking is however in ground zero stage and I pray to K for helping me sail thro with utmost care and understanding from MIL to master the art asap. Second week went in preparing for the wedding with all of us running to different corners of the house and driving one another nuts. Third week went in relaxing from the hectic wedding activities and honeymooning in Shimla. JK was at his boyish and man-charming best. I wonder how I have been so far. Hopefully, good. :) Fourth week was back to reality and finally spent in shifting things of utmost necessity being the foremost priority. Getting there. Am telling myself to take it one day at a time to get used to the different language, place, people, habits around me. JK and his folks are doing their bit and I hope to respond with equal genuine bit.

Thinking about work makes me dizzy, mostly due to the vague project and assh-th. I need the money to pay off the wedding debt and I pray to K with utmost sincerity to shower his choicest and best blessings to help me sail thro every small to big hurdle and achieve success in both professional and personal front. I pray for JK in equal measure. We are a couple now - it really is taking time to sink in. Hope we get along with each other well forever and hope we get along well with respective immediate families and ILs, including distant ones. I miss my home and its comfort the most. I miss my folks for all kinds of reasons. :) Tried my best to extend my stay in the fourth week and JK sweetly obliged, thanks to his folks. To learn and unlearn is quite a daunting task. Hope all goes well for life.

Few of the sweetest things JK did - Tried to attend to every need of mine before the wedding as it was getting close and being ready to reason it out wherever it might cause friction, romantic best in Shimla and the day we shifted things from my parents to his - fed me for the first time. :) Made me cry during honeymoon for a very casual remark about my desire to tattoo (saying things about my age, maturity, new responsibilities, trying to take things for granted just because now we were married, being a software professional.....) and made up for it by kissing me on my cheek in public in Shimla. :) Words still hurt when it rings inside my head but he tried making up. Wonder why he got so touchy when it was definitely a plain teaser. Cant imagine anymore if I insisted even for the heck of it by saying I only wanted to tattoo something about him or on such lines on my arm etc.

Each day is new discovery about myself and I hope life prepares me to become stronger, smarter and sensitive and sensible in the right ratios to achieve success and peace in all fronts at the earliest and forever.

More scoops on all the above weeks in detail in subsequent blog posts..... :)