To blog on what happened after that tiff, I find it childish. Nonetheless, it is good to blog as it would help me remember how we resolved it and celebrated his first bday post-marriage.
J tried to get me out of my shell as much as possible. I was behaving my usual self busying myself with the usual chores at home because its only between the two of us. However, the tiff kept running at the back of my mind and making me more upset with every passing minute.
Post-dinner, it was time for bed and the two of us were still not in our normal comfort self. He tried to coax me for one more time and I relented then as it was becoming heavy on my hand. He tried to put across his point that I reacted too soon about the dinner plan and that we could for the movie in the weekend. I put across my point that I admit having reacted too soon and it was because of the disappointment that he pushed "our" quality time away. I mentioned that he could have suggested a movie with me and then dinner with his folks and me. He seemed to agree but yet again pointed out my reaction. I explained that it was not possible to react when someone special acted quite insensitive and change plans without consulting. I ended it with the point that I agree that I reacted and anyone in my place would have done the same. He cant always be the right one. The tone in both our voices at this point of the argument upset the air even more than before. One more word and things mite get anywhere between good or bad. Both did not know what was the word though. :) It was like how they show in movies - we just turned away showing our backs to each other.
After a few quiet awkward minutes, I realized that his bday was coming near and wanted to resolve it at the earliest. I was upset. So was he. But it was his special day. I did not want this thing to go on and slowly got back to talking. And then came the deeper lying issue - he was upset that I had used the word "turn-off" when he mentioned parents. Thank God he brought it up. I clarified that it was not for his parents but for his change of plans. I could not have ever called his parents a turn off as it does not apply at all - I live with them and that should explain what I feel about them - as family ofcourse. He has all rights to spend time with them on his bday and its ridiculous to think that I dont want them. I only want an ideal solution of "our time" and "family time". That whole point thawed the ice for good and we arrived at a mutual decision of going for a movie after work and then dinner.
Clock struck 12. The boy was wished for his 31st bday from his newly wed wife and there was peace. He did tease me that I had tried to resolve it before his bday. :P The bday went peacefully with work and kungfu panda and a simple dinner with his folks. He surprised me with a peck (right under his parents' nose and ofcourse away from their eyesight or hearsight) when he saw the text Versace on the gift. :) Officemates tried to ask what he got from me and it was show-off time. Am glad he liked it. They tried to rag us during his cake-cutting but J knows how to save face. :P
All in all, I am a good girl, u see. And the spouse is not so bad. :P He is a sweetheart actually but the previous blog learnings will always hold good. I hope he has a great year ahead and I hope to be a part of it for now and ever. :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Lessons learnt post-marriage
1. Learn to distance yourself and wear a mask at the right time to save your peace.
2. Do your duty as the good spouse but learn to remain selfish when it matters to YOU.
Post 40 days of marriage, it was the husband's birthday approaching and he suggested very casually a week ago that we could go for a movie that I have been keen on for quite sometime. I was thrilled on the mere suggestion and temporarily forgot he is a TRUE Gemini just for that phase. It was getting hard to unwind from the dating effect and we are still newly married. I would love to spend time with him just like any newly married dreamy-eyed spouse would. Just when I was looking forward to making the plan with the day approaching 24 hours away, he comes up with his suggestion on going out for dinner with his folks. My fell face FLAT and I revolted immediately. The reaction was too soon and the words were already out in the air that he could go with his parents. Of course it was all said in mush and jest tone. However, I also felt bad on having reacted so frankly and also on his change of mind. He tried to go back to plan 1 after looking at my disappointment but it was obvious that it was not whole-hearted. I ended the conversation for the time-being that it was not fair for me to decide what he should do for his birthday and he could take his time to decide whatever he wanted. I was fine with whatever he decided.
When I tried to reason out that it would be good to spend time together, he said that we were family now and done with dating. After all, he had come all the way to work last year in the heavy rain for a dinner with me.
I reasoned out saying we were newly married. He responded with his sentimental line about his parents never stepping out anywhere. Now that was a strong genuine reason and why would I counter that. If he was keener on the "family value" than the "couple" value and it being his birthday, his wish. I am not sure how we will plan for the anniversary and I no longer want to plan for any occasion unless it was mine own or under my better control.
All I knew was that I was getting ready to grow neutral and whenever it was to be my turn, I shall plan whatever I want. I also felt the thought grow stronger to grow selfish - I can be as sadistic or as sweet as I want to be, depending on the person and the situation.
Meanwhile, I clammed up as is my usual nature when I get upset. I really wanted my space to think and distance myself for good. Such small sweet-nothings hurt me so much. I have not learnt yet. I better learn NOW. Confided to a close friend and she voiced out the same thoughts as in my head that ideally, we could go for dinner with family and then a movie. However, I was not keen to voice it out anymore, what with all the enthusiasm drained out. Also, he has work that is keeping him very busy and that itself is a tough ordeal to go thro on a birthday. Work, travel, dinner and movie - deadening combination for a person who likes his space and time to do things.
On the other hand, if you gave me such combinations, I would do them even if they tired me to the bone. Fun at any cost. Yes, I am the dreamy kid who likes to freak out and celebrate the birthday even if I were to loose all my teeth at the age of 90. I am sure I will remain such a freak even after I have children and grand children. For now, I am being the devout wife and daughter-in-law.
So, lessons I learnt and I shall ensure to remember at every step in life to have a peaceful marriage.... Keep an open mind for changes until the last minute if it is something to do with both of us. Grow up from the sweet clingy child to an adult and keep the child reserved for times that will come soon. Become independent and pragmatic in every possible way - physically, emotionally, financially, mentally. The child within will help to get the pragmatism hide whenever applicable. :)
More on how things shaped up once they do. Wish me luck and give me strength, dear God. This might seem small and silly but small things are what it takes to make anything complete.
Something made me google and that depressed me anymore.
http://www.starlightastrology.com/gemi-pisc.htm
http://www.astrology-online.com/gesunpi.htm
"The freedom of those Geminis out there are at stake if you marry a Pisean. They must be prepared to give up all outside interests and devote all of thier time and thoughts to the Pisces mate. The sensitive and distrustful Piscean nature will, no doubt, prove too much for the liberty loving Gemini to cope with.
Geminians must be prepared to change their ways almost completely if they would seek happiness with a loving, possessive, and clinging Pisces."
Sour, eh? However, I am hell-bent on proving it wrong.
2. Do your duty as the good spouse but learn to remain selfish when it matters to YOU.
Post 40 days of marriage, it was the husband's birthday approaching and he suggested very casually a week ago that we could go for a movie that I have been keen on for quite sometime. I was thrilled on the mere suggestion and temporarily forgot he is a TRUE Gemini just for that phase. It was getting hard to unwind from the dating effect and we are still newly married. I would love to spend time with him just like any newly married dreamy-eyed spouse would. Just when I was looking forward to making the plan with the day approaching 24 hours away, he comes up with his suggestion on going out for dinner with his folks. My fell face FLAT and I revolted immediately. The reaction was too soon and the words were already out in the air that he could go with his parents. Of course it was all said in mush and jest tone. However, I also felt bad on having reacted so frankly and also on his change of mind. He tried to go back to plan 1 after looking at my disappointment but it was obvious that it was not whole-hearted. I ended the conversation for the time-being that it was not fair for me to decide what he should do for his birthday and he could take his time to decide whatever he wanted. I was fine with whatever he decided.
When I tried to reason out that it would be good to spend time together, he said that we were family now and done with dating. After all, he had come all the way to work last year in the heavy rain for a dinner with me.
I reasoned out saying we were newly married. He responded with his sentimental line about his parents never stepping out anywhere. Now that was a strong genuine reason and why would I counter that. If he was keener on the "family value" than the "couple" value and it being his birthday, his wish. I am not sure how we will plan for the anniversary and I no longer want to plan for any occasion unless it was mine own or under my better control.
All I knew was that I was getting ready to grow neutral and whenever it was to be my turn, I shall plan whatever I want. I also felt the thought grow stronger to grow selfish - I can be as sadistic or as sweet as I want to be, depending on the person and the situation.
Meanwhile, I clammed up as is my usual nature when I get upset. I really wanted my space to think and distance myself for good. Such small sweet-nothings hurt me so much. I have not learnt yet. I better learn NOW. Confided to a close friend and she voiced out the same thoughts as in my head that ideally, we could go for dinner with family and then a movie. However, I was not keen to voice it out anymore, what with all the enthusiasm drained out. Also, he has work that is keeping him very busy and that itself is a tough ordeal to go thro on a birthday. Work, travel, dinner and movie - deadening combination for a person who likes his space and time to do things.
On the other hand, if you gave me such combinations, I would do them even if they tired me to the bone. Fun at any cost. Yes, I am the dreamy kid who likes to freak out and celebrate the birthday even if I were to loose all my teeth at the age of 90. I am sure I will remain such a freak even after I have children and grand children. For now, I am being the devout wife and daughter-in-law.
So, lessons I learnt and I shall ensure to remember at every step in life to have a peaceful marriage.... Keep an open mind for changes until the last minute if it is something to do with both of us. Grow up from the sweet clingy child to an adult and keep the child reserved for times that will come soon. Become independent and pragmatic in every possible way - physically, emotionally, financially, mentally. The child within will help to get the pragmatism hide whenever applicable. :)
More on how things shaped up once they do. Wish me luck and give me strength, dear God. This might seem small and silly but small things are what it takes to make anything complete.
Something made me google and that depressed me anymore.
http://www.starlightastrology.com/gemi-pisc.htm
http://www.astrology-online.com/gesunpi.htm
"The freedom of those Geminis out there are at stake if you marry a Pisean. They must be prepared to give up all outside interests and devote all of thier time and thoughts to the Pisces mate. The sensitive and distrustful Piscean nature will, no doubt, prove too much for the liberty loving Gemini to cope with.
Geminians must be prepared to change their ways almost completely if they would seek happiness with a loving, possessive, and clinging Pisces."
Sour, eh? However, I am hell-bent on proving it wrong.
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