I asked for a divorce.

I am having issues with this guy since quite some time. He thinks I must work for this house. And he will still talk only to his parents and bond only with his folks. His daughter adores him and I feel bad that its just her that is right now keeping us together.

I try to step out of my ego and approach him. And all he has to make me feel is turned down. And for all that muck, he tells me its because I am not working in this house. What am I here for? Just work and slave my butt off?

If not else, he is happy to serve his parents. I have mine too.

My only worry is that if we do separate, my kid will be affected the most. She adores him a lot. Me, I am just crumbling from inside as I am losing my identity and am not able to come to terms with the changes where my freedom is being taken away.

Will we stay together or not is a question God will answer.

What happens in this house - I just do not know. I just come to know from some events that follow next few hours or days. My language and my space is gone. And the crowd will not accept me into their side as well without jibing me.

But I swear, I have never felt so out of place in a place where I live and am supposed to call it my own house.

God save us.

A long letter to God

Dear God,

Hello. Hope you are doing good. Please tell me what is happening with me and around me. Please explain few developments in my life and how it will pan out. The suspense intrigues me with every passing hour and I am getting restless and having sleepless nights.

After my daughter was born, I start my day looking at her and praying for her. I got all my time to spend with her and sometime it seemed too much. I would also get my break to do my bit of keeping myself sane. It was all smooth until I extended my stay at my parents' place and joined Citrix. I so hate that decision of mine because it showed me where I stand in the world outside NetApp. I yearn for a workplace like NetApp. I so badly regret taking things for granted there and getting a shitty rating and having issues with that damned ass-hole manager. I wish so badly that I had understood what he wanted in the initial days itself and worked accordingly to save my job and at the best, move to a different team for better career prospects and better work-life balance. However, I am glad that I met my husband there and had my baby and got all the support I could get during my marriage and pregnancy. I regret having taken some bad decisions and losing good chances of making very good friends and working in a positive atmosphere. Citrix seemed a world of opportunities and exactly on my birthday last year, I got a mini heart attack. The memory of that day still haunts me and leaves me restless and ashamed. The team seemed horrible but I was given a nice exit, much better than NetApp. However, if I had not joined Citrix, it seems as if my husband would still have had his decent job at NetApp. Is all the past and present leading us to a better future? Please answer my question very very soon.

However, Citrix did help me settle down at my husband's place and help my daughter cope up with the changes. We found a good nanny and I also got to explore Chandra layout and it seems my favourite solitary haunt whenever I need to do my bit of things. However, life only got all the more mundane with chores to be done and habits/decorum to be maintained. My day starts with looking at my daughter's face - I am so thankful to God for that. And after that, it is just a frenzy of running around for chores and rushing to work. The current workplace has been a great boon so far and I yearn and hope that it remains my boon for a very long time to come. And when I say very long time, I mean until my daughter turns 6 and gets into 1st standard with regular timings and is comfortable with her routine in her new school. Meanwhile, Jitendra and I are hoping that she will like her playschool Sankalpa a lot and get into Vani school in Basaveshwara Nagar as it is supposed to be a very good school.

I can see my train of thoughts running in various directions and I can see my hopes getting desperate as everything seems so uncertain and vague.

So I start with my job again. I am a technical writer at this current workplace. However, the work is very different from what I did in NetApp. In NetApp, even without me realizing, I had learnt so many good things and picked up well. Then, I really do not know when complacency set in and I just lost my mind. However, I am glad I got to meet my life partner there, thanks to the series of events that led him there and how it has been great so far. I had a meeting last week with my US manager who seemed desperate to tell me to come to work for 9 whole hours and lot of micro-management about who will be the local manager. Please, God, please let her cool it off. Let the organization make Jayendra as my local boss. He seems to be a very decent and level-headed person. Let the organization (everybody in the organization, right from HR, US management, Indian management, Finance, Admin, other departments, peers, friends) always give me my space of working from 11 am to 5 or 5:30 pm IST with ample lunch break on all week days. Let the work load always be so light that I do not have to carry it home at all and finish it in my own timeline efficiently. Let the local boss and US manager not interfere in any of my activities and give me my space and time as much as I want. Let the OMNIA 360 project work go slow and smooth around me in the company as well; however, the company should always run in profit and be safe and stable for a very long time. Please ensure that the organization always remains in the current location and help me maintain my routine at home and office smoothly for a very long time. Let Sapna be my co-worker in my department for a very long time and please bless us with the best relationship that we could have. Please keep us transparent and close and sincere and honest to each other. Please help our department safe and stable in the organization. Please help us keep our jobs safe and stable for a very long time. Again, when I mean long time, I truly mean for the next 5 years atleast. By then, my daughter would be 6 and it would be time to get her to her new school and get her settled there.  Please help me maintain good savings and get sufficient work from home opportunities to support my family including my husband, kid, his parents, my parents and sister. Please help me get my regular income without any pay cuts and raise my salary every year to help me meet expenses and save for a rainy day. Please help me get comfortable transport options to work every day and save money and be safe and secure and healthy always. Please help me maintain long friendships and close friends at work, such that they are of good help anytime and where I can also help them without letting my daily life affected. Please help me finish my current project work smoothly - Sales Force User Guide and Account Management User guide at my own timeline and keep my immediate and superior bosses occupied with other projects. I would like to finish these projects at my own timeline at the earliest, without compromising on my work life balance and give it to her in good quality. Please help me get good colleagues and managers in this organization always, such that I get the relevant information for Account Management and Trouble Ticket easily. Please ensure that the managers do not bring in any extra work for me or for Sapna and create any kind of politics. Please help me establish good rapport with everybody at work and be safe and secure and healthy always in all ways.

Please ensure that my husband gets a good job at the very earliest. And when I mean good job - the job must be with good pay, good boss, good projects, good peers, good work-life balance, good stability, good location - all necessarily in equal priority. Please help him get this job at the very earliest as his confidence seems to have shaken and he needs a really good moral boost. That will ensure that our married life will be sailing smooth and steady. Please help him, dear God. Please ensure that we are always in good terms and a passionate couple. Please help us clear our differences in the most amicable way. Please help us be good parents for my daughter and good spouses to each other. Please help me maintain good rapport always with his parents, his sister and her family, her son and his distant relatives. Please bless me, Jitendra, his parents, my daughter, my sister and my parents with the best of health and wealth and unity. Please keep us sensible and kind and content and safe always. Please help us give  a good present and good future to my daughter always. Please bless her to be a good daughter, good grand-daughter and good human being always. My prayers for her will change as she grows up - please understand and bless us always.

Please help my mom recover from cancer at the earliest without much pain and side-effects. Please help her face anything that comes ahead in the best positive way. Please give my dad the strength he needs and sense he needs to interact with my family and everybody around. Please keep him in good health in all ways. Please ensure that the staff at St. Johns hospital, right from the doctors to the nurses and other staff treat my mom well and attend to her well. Please ensure that mom gets enough care and rest to recover and become normal very soon. Please help us maintain expenses related to her care smoothly and get our dues well on time. Please keep my mom safe and content and ensure that Nightingale agency sends a good caretaker to replace Rukmini and the caretaker must be sensible, sincere and regular for the next 4-5 months until mom recovers fully. Please ensure cancer never appears in mom's body in any way again and let her be strong and face all the further tests with good strength and meet good people everywhere. Please ensure that my sister, daughter and I never get any kind of cancer or any kind of deadly or minor disease any time. Please bless all of us with good health and cheer.

Please help my sister find a good partner at the right time for her. Please guide her in all her decisions and choices in all walks of life. Please ensure that she is always nice and well-behaved with my parents and me. Please fill her with gratitude for all that she has - that should remove any issues in her mind and clear her doubts about the future and stop comparing herself. Please keep my sister and me united and affectionate to each other always. Please keep us all united and in peace.

Please help me and my daughter to always have time for each other and be close to each other. Please help me teach her Tamil. Please ensure that she speaks Tamil fluently and correctly very soon. Please bless her with the right sense of when to speak Tamil and Kannada and how to speak with whom and where. Please let her balance her interest in both the languages well and earn good rapport with all my folks and also from her father's side. Please help my daughter bring her up well. Please ensure that she is always safe and secure. Please ensure that her nanny comes regularly, teaches her good habits, keeps her safe, behaves well and works well. Please bless the nanny and her family members with good health and unity, such that it helps her work well here and attend to my daughter well. Please bless me to be the closest person with my daughter and vice versa always in all ways.

Please bless me with good work-life balance and good health always, such that I can keep in touch with all my old friends from different walks of life very closely and not let it affect my relationships at home or work or chores at home. Please bless me with good culinary sense and good health. Please bless me with good friends from any new walk of life I move into and help me identify my true purpose in life at the very earliest. Please help me get my independence in all ways always. Please help me learn driving a car and a two wheeler at the very earliest and own them very soon. Please bless me with good health and financial and emotional independence always. Please bless me with good health and wealth and sense always. Please help Jitendra and me to always maintain good health, good figure physically and passion always. Please help us have satisfying, regular, smooth, peaceful consummation always.

Please help me get good information and guidance from my college when I go to inquire about reappearing for my degree exam. Please help me in completing my B.Sc degree and finish my arrears in that one Physics paper smoothly. Please help me get sufficient help from Anand  - the CA guy and his associate in the Bangalore University to get to do all the required steps to get to show that I appeared for the exam and passed it and completed my degree and get my completed degree certificates that show that I am a B.Sc degree holder from Bangalore University very smoothly and efficiently and on time. Please ensure that whatever we do is safe and secure and does not harm us in any way or affect us or anybody related to us in any way ever in the present or future. Please ensure that the money that I have to pay for this would be nominal and reasonable. Please help me negotiate well and be safe always in this deal. Please help me complete my unfulfilled dream to be a B.Sc degree holder at the very earliest. This degree will help me recover from my guilt, feel good about myself and give me my freedom to work anywhere and go anywhere smoothly without any issues.

Please help me and fulfil all my prayers at the earliest, Dear God. I am grateful for whatever I have in my life so far. Please help me. Thank you for everything.





 

My prayers....

God, please save me and show me my purpose of life in clear, lucid lines and vision.

I am hearing bad things about the company I joined. I do not want it to affect my career or future in any way. I want to last here for a year minimum and 5 years maximum. If it becomes my retirement place, nothing like it. Please help me work well and keep my job stable and safe, with good pay, perks, flexibility, motivation, learnings, work life balance, easy interesting work. Please keep the company safe and stable. Please bless me with a good understanding manager, peers and good, honest friends.

Please help me handle my expenses well and save well to close off all my debts at the earliest.

Please help me build good rapport with Jitendra's parents, sister and her family. Please bless me and Jitendra to always be a happy, stable, understanding, trustful, passionate, friendly, loving couple. Please bless us with all the good things to be good parents to Samyuktha and give her a good upbringing. Please help Samyuktha always have safe, secure, content, good, healthy, motivating, good-cultured growing up environment around her. Please bless her to be a good daughter always.

Please help me teach Samyuktha Tamil at the earliest. I would like her to converse in Tamil fluently with me, my folks, extended relatives. Please help us handle Jitendra, his parents, his sister, his extended relatives and people around us with good diplomacy and smartness, such that they do not get offended or feel out of place if we converse in Tamil. Please bless her to grow up into a smart, healthy girl. Please also help us and her in getting rid of her pacifier at the earliest, with ease and comfort.

Please take care of my mom's health. Please bless me and my family, dear lord. Give us the strength and wisdom to handle everything that comes our way and still be united and content.

Please help me at the earliest to identify my interest in life and help me convert it as my profession, such that I earn well and also save for a rainy day, with good work life balance and be inspired and motivated always.

 

Help me sail through, dear lord, and maintain harmony, peace, love, finance, good health in all ways

Dear God, please help me sail through the challenges I am facing at home from parents, in-laws, husband, kid, sister, nanny and at work with team-mates, colleagues, manager, HR, VP exit.

I want to be smart worker and a smart person everywhere always. I do not want to hurt people or cause discomfort. However, I want to be upfront to people who hurt me or cause discomfort. At the same time, my response should not spoil my relationship with them in any way ever. I want to have a smooth, luxurious, easy life and meet challenges with good strategy, wit and humor. Please help me maintain cordial relationships with everybody around me at work / home and everywhere.

Thanks for all the true people in my life. Please let me be true to them too. Please help me handle work easily and always have all the flexibility and facilities that I need at work and home.

Please help me face mom's health issues with determination and positive attitude. Please help me face financial issues with smart spending, savings, determination and positive attitude. Please help me tackle work issues smartly, work smartly and easily, learn new things, make good, honest friends, get all the flexibility, growth and finance. Please let the company grow and help me improve my career. Thank you for everything so far at work. Please help me for the days ahead.

Please help me improve my relationship with Jitendra, my parents, sister, daughter, in laws and extended relatives on my side and his side. Please help me learn household management well and be a smart worker and a good parent. Please help me and Jitendra to be a loving, passionate, sensible, broad-minded, supportive couple always. Please bless me, my husband, my kid, my parents, my in laws, nanny, sister with good health in all ways and harmony always.

Thank you, God for everything so far. Please bless me with good things ahead in all my walks of life.

 

please help please save me. Prayers all the more and thanks all the more

Mom is diagnosed with cancer. The treatment started with news of surgery and chemotherapy. Then the struggle to convince the family to arrange a caretaker. Then arrange finance for the treatments. Then comes the news that she is in stage 3 and needs injections worth 5-6L in addition to surgery and chemo therapy and radiation.

Thanks to God for helping parents agree to Sham's earnest request to get a caretaker. Thanks to Sham to find out insurance and convince parents about caretaker. Thank God Sham cleared CA with flying colors and got a job on time. Thanks to Sham for finding out about caretaker. Thanks to Nimisha for referring her to DB. Thanks to my husband for being cooperative and loving. Thank God that we found Jyoti who has been reliable and sincere so far. Thank God the surgery went well and mom's first chemotherapy also went well. Thank God Samyuktha started walking on time and is healthy. Thank God that we were able to help my FIL and mom on time for their illness. Thank God that I chose CHR as my work place where it has been quite cooperative so far. Thank God that Sumathi helped me with money.

All I pray now is:

• For mom's speedy recovery with good health in all ways,
• For Sam to grow up in the middle of lot of love / care / warmth / safety / security / good people,
• For a stable, satisfying, secure, interesting, easy job with good pay - CHR is great in terms of overall flexibility and pay. I also pray that I learn new things in this job and make good, ever-lasting sincere friendships and have a good rapport with every single person in this office and at the same time, enjoy my exclusivity. I also pray that they only look at my M.A degree and not question me or investigate further. I pray that I perform at work well and earn a good name and good hike and good appraisals always. However, I also pray that CHR gets taken over by a very good software company and I get to still keep my job and get paid well and finish my tasks in proper deadlines that never affect my family responsibilities,
• For a peaceful, loving relationship with Jitendra
• For a peaceful, co-existent, harmonious relationship with my in-laws
• For a peaceful, co-existent, harmonious relationship with my parents and sister
• For a peaceful, interesting, warm, loving relationship with my daughter 
• For Jyoti and Susan to have peaceful relationship with us and peace at their families and good health
• For good health for me, my family, my kid, my husband, my parents, my sister, my in-laws
• For Sham to learn and earn well at her new job and maintain cordial relations with us and good health always
• For Jitendra to learn and earn well at his new job and maintain cordial relations with us and good health always
• For sufficient privacy at home with Jitendra and Samyuktha always
• I have a strong and loving relationship with my daughter Samyuktha always

God, please help me overcome all the hurdles in my way in my life and make me more efficient and peaceful for all the times ahead. I yearn for a healthy, peaceful, content, rich, luxurious, satisfying life for me and my family.

WHAT TO DO?!

Li fe sucks. I am 31 and I am still so lost as to what I want to do. Mainly because of work. I so hate coming to this office since the past few days. I so hate even working on any task that has been assigned or expected. This hatred hit me like a wave when I walked into the office and saw the director first. I did not meet his eyes but I had heard what was on his mind about me. And the team has its own opinion about me. Hardly anyone talks or smiles at me and it hits me the most during lunch. I ping a girl who is in the team and she is a weird kind of her own. Brings home food and will talk well with her team. We bonded for a few days during lunch but then she decided to spend more time with her team and it has gotten awkward. Either I have created an impression that I do not talk or they think I am a boring kind. I never ever dreamt that there will be a time when I will have to worry how I will have lunch. There have been days when I have just sat at my desk hungry, then gone alone late after much push Whichever way, why this curse on me?!  It began after that fateful twist of events in NetApp and is still following me wherever I go.

I guess the director has already decided that I must be replaced and Madan is just tolling time to tell it to me directly. The contractor is joining on Apr 24th and I have no clue as to what we are expected to do - work together or she is my replacement and I just leave. I have put forth the last straw I had - round table review suggestion. This team is always too busy to even take suggestions related to documentation, let alone read what they gave me as inputs. But life can be lived only with hope. So, I have asked Madan to help me out and reasoned it as well. Let us see how the team cooperates and how things change, eventually, me still with this job and documenting well and making good friends and earning well and balancing work-home as good as it can get. God help me.

Either you make this job better for me (where I get good work to do with good acknowledgement and good sincerity and good wfh options to take care of Samyuktha), JUST like how I want it or give me back the NetApp job with a better manager and a better team or get me a very nice home-based permanent corporate job with a very good pay and perks (just like the current job or NetApp job) and as per my terms and conditions. I need the solution at the very EARLIEST so that I can eagerly look forward to life ahead. Samyuktha needs a lot of care and attention, so that she can grow in a secure and safe environment, learn good things, become a smart girl and grow into a good human being. So does my family - husband, in-laws, parents, sister. Please ensure that I have financial independence ALWAYS and that I be a prudent and smart saver and spender.

If I am going to be working in this company or elsewhere as per your plans for me, then please ensure that we find a VERY GOOD NANNY for my daughter as she needs care and love from all of us and from the nanny and my in-laws when Jitendra and I are away from home at work.

If I am going to be a house-wife with a work from home well-paying job, then the job should be greatly flexible and satisfying, such that it makes up for the staying indoors part and also helps me manage home front duties and Samyuktha's care VERY WELL. PLEASE HELP. IT IS A MIRACLE. BUT PLEASE HELP.

My husband and I should always have very good time and spend a lot of quality time with our child. She should never feel left out or miserable. My husband and I should also always be a happy, always-in-love, peacefully co-existing and respectful, romantic couple. Please help.

Please help me and bless me with good health and good thoughts and actions, so that I can perform my responsibilities WELL.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bday gift or wot?!

Just wrapped up my 31st bday with a coincidental wfh coz of bandh and cake-cutting + gifting from hubby + kid's homeo doc visit + temple visit + cheers coorg dinner - bday treat to hubby.

Have joined a new workplace in Jan and was in an awkward state to ask for leave. Coz I am still new here and already took leave for my dad's spine surgery. However, wfh was granted by the company itself - which means God answered my prayers by making the universe around me act accordingly. Thanks a lot for that.

Got a few phone calls from good old friends and FB wishes. Felt quite nice but still dull as I had to attend a meeting with boss in the first half. I will not deny that it still made some difference to stay home and be around the baby physically. However, the day  got a little better once J arrived with cake in tow. Waited for baby to wake up from her nap and then cut cake. My first bday with her. :) Took pics, got ready for the activities given in the first para. Completed doc visit to get sweet tasting medicines for baby to cure her of her long-time cough-phlegm allergy. Hope it works as per doc's suggested timeline and cures her for good. Trying all possible methods to get baby better. Next, hubby, being the confused soul he is, asked me to pick my gift of my choice. So I took him to get my long time wish-list item - fancy anklet. The price was double than what I had imagined but he complied nicely. 2700/- phew. Its a nice fancy anklet with colored stones lining it - a perfect function wear bought to be worn for baby's 1st bday party. Then went to the temple which was almost closing for the day. Offered my prayers and thanks and booked for baby-special mannath - benne smearing on Hanuman. Got late to the temple but it happened mainly because of above mentioned events. Finally, dinner was to be at Annachi or KFC. Hubby wanted to try Annachi - what luck - it was no longer there. I did not know as I do not haunt these places anymore, thanks to domestic life post-marraige. Then headed to CPK - his favorite - but waiting time was 30 mins. So, almost decided to go to KFC that I got reminded of the Cheers Coorg place we saw on our way. Hubby obliged and we went there. Dinner wasnt peaceful with baby in tow but managed to do our best. Then home and an almost sleepless night, thanks to the two special people in my life. And I do not mean to complain about the sleepless part. :)

Also got to cut cake at office. However, small jhutka came in the form of mail at noon from office HR and its effect is so lasting that it will take a long time to recover, provided the relative effort to resolve it and good luck and fortune is everlasting in my tenure here and forever and everywhere I go. For that, I can only ask GOD to help me right now and nobody else. Life is already a struggle and if nothing helps, its the confidence that I am earning which helps. The money and role has boosted my confidence to a fair extent and also a lot of trust and responsibility has got entrusted on my shoulders. I sure need to work hard (with proper work-life balance that I desire) and be sincere to the whole deal to do well in my company, for my company and for my family. Mainly saying this as I also have  a daughter who I brought into this world unawares in a way. So I plead to the Almighty to please let me know what is in store for me at the very earliest. I just want it to be a safe, healthy, honorable, wealthy, peaceful and pleasant life ahead for me and my family now and forever. That will also let me die in content whenever it happens.


PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!