please help please save me. Prayers all the more and thanks all the more

Mom is diagnosed with cancer. The treatment started with news of surgery and chemotherapy. Then the struggle to convince the family to arrange a caretaker. Then arrange finance for the treatments. Then comes the news that she is in stage 3 and needs injections worth 5-6L in addition to surgery and chemo therapy and radiation.

Thanks to God for helping parents agree to Sham's earnest request to get a caretaker. Thanks to Sham to find out insurance and convince parents about caretaker. Thank God Sham cleared CA with flying colors and got a job on time. Thanks to Sham for finding out about caretaker. Thanks to Nimisha for referring her to DB. Thanks to my husband for being cooperative and loving. Thank God that we found Jyoti who has been reliable and sincere so far. Thank God the surgery went well and mom's first chemotherapy also went well. Thank God Samyuktha started walking on time and is healthy. Thank God that we were able to help my FIL and mom on time for their illness. Thank God that I chose CHR as my work place where it has been quite cooperative so far. Thank God that Sumathi helped me with money.

All I pray now is:

• For mom's speedy recovery with good health in all ways,
• For Sam to grow up in the middle of lot of love / care / warmth / safety / security / good people,
• For a stable, satisfying, secure, interesting, easy job with good pay - CHR is great in terms of overall flexibility and pay. I also pray that I learn new things in this job and make good, ever-lasting sincere friendships and have a good rapport with every single person in this office and at the same time, enjoy my exclusivity. I also pray that they only look at my M.A degree and not question me or investigate further. I pray that I perform at work well and earn a good name and good hike and good appraisals always. However, I also pray that CHR gets taken over by a very good software company and I get to still keep my job and get paid well and finish my tasks in proper deadlines that never affect my family responsibilities,
• For a peaceful, loving relationship with Jitendra
• For a peaceful, co-existent, harmonious relationship with my in-laws
• For a peaceful, co-existent, harmonious relationship with my parents and sister
• For a peaceful, interesting, warm, loving relationship with my daughter 
• For Jyoti and Susan to have peaceful relationship with us and peace at their families and good health
• For good health for me, my family, my kid, my husband, my parents, my sister, my in-laws
• For Sham to learn and earn well at her new job and maintain cordial relations with us and good health always
• For Jitendra to learn and earn well at his new job and maintain cordial relations with us and good health always
• For sufficient privacy at home with Jitendra and Samyuktha always
• I have a strong and loving relationship with my daughter Samyuktha always

God, please help me overcome all the hurdles in my way in my life and make me more efficient and peaceful for all the times ahead. I yearn for a healthy, peaceful, content, rich, luxurious, satisfying life for me and my family.

WHAT TO DO?!

Li fe sucks. I am 31 and I am still so lost as to what I want to do. Mainly because of work. I so hate coming to this office since the past few days. I so hate even working on any task that has been assigned or expected. This hatred hit me like a wave when I walked into the office and saw the director first. I did not meet his eyes but I had heard what was on his mind about me. And the team has its own opinion about me. Hardly anyone talks or smiles at me and it hits me the most during lunch. I ping a girl who is in the team and she is a weird kind of her own. Brings home food and will talk well with her team. We bonded for a few days during lunch but then she decided to spend more time with her team and it has gotten awkward. Either I have created an impression that I do not talk or they think I am a boring kind. I never ever dreamt that there will be a time when I will have to worry how I will have lunch. There have been days when I have just sat at my desk hungry, then gone alone late after much push Whichever way, why this curse on me?!  It began after that fateful twist of events in NetApp and is still following me wherever I go.

I guess the director has already decided that I must be replaced and Madan is just tolling time to tell it to me directly. The contractor is joining on Apr 24th and I have no clue as to what we are expected to do - work together or she is my replacement and I just leave. I have put forth the last straw I had - round table review suggestion. This team is always too busy to even take suggestions related to documentation, let alone read what they gave me as inputs. But life can be lived only with hope. So, I have asked Madan to help me out and reasoned it as well. Let us see how the team cooperates and how things change, eventually, me still with this job and documenting well and making good friends and earning well and balancing work-home as good as it can get. God help me.

Either you make this job better for me (where I get good work to do with good acknowledgement and good sincerity and good wfh options to take care of Samyuktha), JUST like how I want it or give me back the NetApp job with a better manager and a better team or get me a very nice home-based permanent corporate job with a very good pay and perks (just like the current job or NetApp job) and as per my terms and conditions. I need the solution at the very EARLIEST so that I can eagerly look forward to life ahead. Samyuktha needs a lot of care and attention, so that she can grow in a secure and safe environment, learn good things, become a smart girl and grow into a good human being. So does my family - husband, in-laws, parents, sister. Please ensure that I have financial independence ALWAYS and that I be a prudent and smart saver and spender.

If I am going to be working in this company or elsewhere as per your plans for me, then please ensure that we find a VERY GOOD NANNY for my daughter as she needs care and love from all of us and from the nanny and my in-laws when Jitendra and I are away from home at work.

If I am going to be a house-wife with a work from home well-paying job, then the job should be greatly flexible and satisfying, such that it makes up for the staying indoors part and also helps me manage home front duties and Samyuktha's care VERY WELL. PLEASE HELP. IT IS A MIRACLE. BUT PLEASE HELP.

My husband and I should always have very good time and spend a lot of quality time with our child. She should never feel left out or miserable. My husband and I should also always be a happy, always-in-love, peacefully co-existing and respectful, romantic couple. Please help.

Please help me and bless me with good health and good thoughts and actions, so that I can perform my responsibilities WELL.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bday gift or wot?!

Just wrapped up my 31st bday with a coincidental wfh coz of bandh and cake-cutting + gifting from hubby + kid's homeo doc visit + temple visit + cheers coorg dinner - bday treat to hubby.

Have joined a new workplace in Jan and was in an awkward state to ask for leave. Coz I am still new here and already took leave for my dad's spine surgery. However, wfh was granted by the company itself - which means God answered my prayers by making the universe around me act accordingly. Thanks a lot for that.

Got a few phone calls from good old friends and FB wishes. Felt quite nice but still dull as I had to attend a meeting with boss in the first half. I will not deny that it still made some difference to stay home and be around the baby physically. However, the day  got a little better once J arrived with cake in tow. Waited for baby to wake up from her nap and then cut cake. My first bday with her. :) Took pics, got ready for the activities given in the first para. Completed doc visit to get sweet tasting medicines for baby to cure her of her long-time cough-phlegm allergy. Hope it works as per doc's suggested timeline and cures her for good. Trying all possible methods to get baby better. Next, hubby, being the confused soul he is, asked me to pick my gift of my choice. So I took him to get my long time wish-list item - fancy anklet. The price was double than what I had imagined but he complied nicely. 2700/- phew. Its a nice fancy anklet with colored stones lining it - a perfect function wear bought to be worn for baby's 1st bday party. Then went to the temple which was almost closing for the day. Offered my prayers and thanks and booked for baby-special mannath - benne smearing on Hanuman. Got late to the temple but it happened mainly because of above mentioned events. Finally, dinner was to be at Annachi or KFC. Hubby wanted to try Annachi - what luck - it was no longer there. I did not know as I do not haunt these places anymore, thanks to domestic life post-marraige. Then headed to CPK - his favorite - but waiting time was 30 mins. So, almost decided to go to KFC that I got reminded of the Cheers Coorg place we saw on our way. Hubby obliged and we went there. Dinner wasnt peaceful with baby in tow but managed to do our best. Then home and an almost sleepless night, thanks to the two special people in my life. And I do not mean to complain about the sleepless part. :)

Also got to cut cake at office. However, small jhutka came in the form of mail at noon from office HR and its effect is so lasting that it will take a long time to recover, provided the relative effort to resolve it and good luck and fortune is everlasting in my tenure here and forever and everywhere I go. For that, I can only ask GOD to help me right now and nobody else. Life is already a struggle and if nothing helps, its the confidence that I am earning which helps. The money and role has boosted my confidence to a fair extent and also a lot of trust and responsibility has got entrusted on my shoulders. I sure need to work hard (with proper work-life balance that I desire) and be sincere to the whole deal to do well in my company, for my company and for my family. Mainly saying this as I also have  a daughter who I brought into this world unawares in a way. So I plead to the Almighty to please let me know what is in store for me at the very earliest. I just want it to be a safe, healthy, honorable, wealthy, peaceful and pleasant life ahead for me and my family now and forever. That will also let me die in content whenever it happens.


PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

V-day 2014!

Pleasant and busy V-day of 2014...

Two years ago, V-day was so different from how it is now. I had the whole day to bond with my husband and it will remain very special. A year ago, V-day was special in its own way as my daughter was almost going to arrive and we celebrated it with her inside me. This year, with her around, time is so much at crunch. Met hubby for lunch at work as dinner with him seems a luxury right now. Plus with so much office work, am glad we atleast made it for lunch. I chose my own gift but not bad, I got flowers (tho on demand). He too got his gifts which I have no idea I managed to shop. I even got the clothes to wear on time. All worked out well but just the wee bit regret that I wish I could have spent more time with him.

I hope things change on that front. I hope I have a lot of time on my hands to spend quality time to bond with daughter and husband ALWAYS. Hope hubby too gets a lot of time for us and we have a peaceful, healthy, happy life forever after. :)

My prayers for 2013 and always

Why does life have to seem so much in a rush. For example, it feels bad to  have the alarm ticking and dread nagging from elders at the back of my mind even when I am only wanting to bond with my husband and daughter at the start of a day like today. And when I do get some time to bond, it has a consequential effect on my work. Traffic and road rage and auto hassle. Then when I reach work, I dread as to what work awaits for me. Why should  I dread every small thing and more importantly, for my daughter’s safety? Why cannot life be a bed of roses with no such thorns?

I hope my life is a bed of roses without any thorns. I hope life allows me to spend as much free time as I want with my husband and daughter. I hope I always spend a lot of time bonding with  my husband and strengthen our relationship in every way. I hope he also has a lot of time to bond with me and strengthen our relationship in every way, like a couple, a parent and friend, confidante  and we will always be understanding and supportive to each other. I hope I will always spend a lot of time with my daughter every day and she has a very secure, safe, happy, peaceful, encouraging environment wherever she grows up. I hope the three of us will always live as a happy family in peace and happiness with a lot of support and love from his parents and my parents and siblings. I hope my daughter is always blessed with good health and good sense in everything and grows up to be a strong, sensible and good human being. I hope my relationships with my parents and sister and relatives and friends and colleagues will always be good, honest, peaceful and strong. I hope Jitendra has a good, stable, satisfying, motivating, inspiring, well-paying career that he enjoys and is blessed with good friends and supportive colleagues and relatives and siblings and parents. I hope my career provides me easy and interesting work in a wonderful working atmosphere with very good salary, good health and excellent work-life balance that I yearn for to spend time with my loved ones and learn and do new things and have fun at the same time in a peaceful co-existing environment with great colleagues.

I hope my daughter and parents have a great ,long, peaceful, satisfying healthy life. I hope dad’s surgery helps me recover soon and everything goes smooth for all of us in every front of life (like work and personal) during his recovery and surgery period. I hope I will be able to provide whatever Samyuktha wants in life along with my husband’s support. I hope my parents, sister and in-laws are always around my daughter and are supportive and take good care of my daughter forever whenever Jitendra and I are busy and away. I hope my sister earns her degree very soon and gets independent, and remains sensible and supportive to us. I hope we get a good, trust-worthy, healthy, sensible, reliable maid to take care of Samyuktha, wherever we live to support us as we are working parents. I hope life answers all my prayers and I thank God for everything I have got so far. 

Self-reliance...

Check this out. My previous blog was regarding companionship and this one is about self-reliance. Quite an irony but that is how life is.

Am quite mad at myself for throwing myself completely and eventually at someone whom I like. This is not the first time.

I wish to be self-reliant in all possible ways ALWAYS.

Today's fortune in orkut says: A good time to finish up old tasks.

Today's fortune in orkut says: A good time to finish up old tasks. Apt for my mood of blogging - been thinking of it for quite a while. Few things have been nagging me constantly for quite sometime coz I do not have complete control over them. They still do.

Firstly, been wondering how I am gonna cope up with the recession. Secondly, I wonder how I am gonna cope up with new challenges at work. Thirdly, I am silently praying everyday to end my saga.

"People who are having a love-sex relationship are continuously lying to each other because the very nature of the relationship demands that they do, because you have to make a love object of this person, which means that you editorialize about them. You cut out what you don't want to see, you add this if it isn't there. And so therefore you're building a lie." - Truman Capote

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."


"You must go to bed with friends or whores, where money makes up the difference in beauty or desire." - W. H. Auden

"Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death." - Colette Dowling

Long-term commitment to an intimate relationship with one person of whatever sex is an essential need that people have in order to breed the qualities out of which nurturing thought can rise." - Gerda Lerner


"Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people." - Arthur Schopenhauer


"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting." - Todd Ruthman

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course." - Helen Rowland