Self-reliance...

Check this out. My previous blog was regarding companionship and this one is about self-reliance. Quite an irony but that is how life is.

Am quite mad at myself for throwing myself completely and eventually at someone whom I like. This is not the first time.

I wish to be self-reliant in all possible ways ALWAYS.

Today's fortune in orkut says: A good time to finish up old tasks.

Today's fortune in orkut says: A good time to finish up old tasks. Apt for my mood of blogging - been thinking of it for quite a while. Few things have been nagging me constantly for quite sometime coz I do not have complete control over them. They still do.

Firstly, been wondering how I am gonna cope up with the recession. Secondly, I wonder how I am gonna cope up with new challenges at work. Thirdly, I am silently praying everyday to end my saga.

"People who are having a love-sex relationship are continuously lying to each other because the very nature of the relationship demands that they do, because you have to make a love object of this person, which means that you editorialize about them. You cut out what you don't want to see, you add this if it isn't there. And so therefore you're building a lie." - Truman Capote

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."


"You must go to bed with friends or whores, where money makes up the difference in beauty or desire." - W. H. Auden

"Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death." - Colette Dowling

Long-term commitment to an intimate relationship with one person of whatever sex is an essential need that people have in order to breed the qualities out of which nurturing thought can rise." - Gerda Lerner


"Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people." - Arthur Schopenhauer


"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, bit it is the little differences that make them interesting." - Todd Ruthman

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course." - Helen Rowland

My current wish list....

All I yearn currently is to have all the time in the world to be at my daughter's side and be for her and spend good quality time with my husband very often and enjoy all this as I am staying at my parents' place right now. To aid this now and forever, I sincerely hope that my husband and I are working in an office environment that is extremely flexible to our individual and couple needs and baby needs. Work has got to be extremely easy going with fair amount of creativity that keeps us interested individually in our projects. I hope to work with an extremely cooperative project team and trustworthy and fun-filled friendly writer team and an understanding cooperative manager. I hope I get a lot of very good friends at work who will always stand by me and these be long-term, frank, open, sincere friendships with healthy and ego-free competition. I also wish to do my best at home and work and maintain work-life balance and get to spend time for myself to indulge in my hobbies in the middle of all these responsibilities. I also wish for eternal financial freedom and comfort. Also, I wish for good health for baby, me, husband, parents, sister and in-laws. I also wish for parents to be able to have good financial and physical comfort always with good health and peace. I also very deeply desire to stay with husband and baby and family in a comfortable spacious house with good privacy, be it rented or own and the house (rented and own) should be in a safe locality that it makes it very convenient for us to travel to work soon, shop well with ease and send baby to school close to the house as she grows and good medical, postal, banking facilities at immediate reach with good trust-worthy neighbors. I also wish my sister studies well and scores well in all her exams and gets independent and responsible and level-headed very soon. I hope to also be strong, healthy, level-headed, patient and responsible always. I very sincerely wish my daughter always has good and safe surroundings to grow up in, has good health (mental, physical, emotional) and trustworthy good people around her. I hope we would be great parents for our daughter and she also is our obedient and smart daughter forever. I hope to have a very happy and peaceful married life and family forever and ever. :) I hope I improve all my skills and perform all my responsibilities (family or work or self) with ease and remain content always. God, please help me and make all my wishes to come true at the very earliest. Please help me.

itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki koshish ki hai....kehte hai agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho toh poori kaynath tumhein usse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai. Main apni saari khwaishon ko bahut jaldh poora hote hue dekhna chaahthi hoon. Bhagwan, meri madad karo aur mujh par daya karo. Dhanyawaad. 

Paradoxical twists - I can only sigh as of now

My daughter is now in her third month and making me realise that time is flying literally. She coos and smiles a lot when in a good mood. However, s-d does raise a havoc when she is irritated or hungry or troubled. Mood swings already. :-D I keep trying to figure out her mood swings and worry as to how I am gonna manage my career and her with my familial and spouse responsibilities. In the middle of all this, having just completed one year of marriage, I obviously miss my husband in all possible wa chances, anyway coming on Friday..... Grrrrr.... . ys. So does he. I wonder when we would start living together as he is still struggling to finalize house renovation plans. Lets see. Hoping for the worst and being prepared for the worst. God help us! Today, the duffer added to my already existing frustration. Calls up all of a sudden to announce that he is coming to pay us a visit as per his weekly deal. Then changes plans as his colleagues plan to drop in day after. Idiot. Bloody fool. Calls me two hours later when I have spent the time looking forward to spend time with him as and when possible. I pick it guessing why. He ls the visit coz its bike, rain. Hmmm. Also says anyway I am coming on Friday na! I am supposedly to not chide but be totally understanding. I so hate him. Why shud I go such mood swings when he is so cool. Aag tho Dono tharaf hai par ladka thoda teda hai. . So hate him and my situation. Hope life gets better and under my control soon. After all its my life in the first place.

life is beautiful?!

I miss my husband terribly. We have a daughter who is 17 days old today. She keeps me occupied 24 hours but I still feel incomplete. God help me sail thro this phase.

If all my previous posts were about hell at work, this one is sure to eat the cake. I am finding it difficult to live with my parents right now. My mom and I have gaps in trying to realise that she needs to attend to a pregnant woman's basic food needs. Cooks what basic she can... Not very enthusiastic to make it all d more special. Maybe she wants permanent freedom from the cooking department but this is so not the time to feel so if u have a dependent in my state. Last week was upma for dinner and again upma for breakfast. If ur still hungry, all get a small glass of horlicks. Today's dinner is some avial with white rice. U want more, a wheat dosa. If ur still hungry, horlicks in diluted milk. How is this healthy for a 8 month pregnant woman. My own sister felt the food was insufficient. She is just a normal 21 near old. Then imagine my state. The man of the house does not care a damn. He gets to satiate himself outside. Easy for him to compensate his desire. In my case, its no longer a desire to ask for special food. I realise she was not treated with extra care wen she was pregnant. So she finds my expectations quite unreasonable. Things r better after certain highs and lows so far. But still this was not how I wanted things to pan out in my dreams. Life is harsh. All the more worse coz I procrastinated and this causes rifts even in other spaces & relationships coz of constant reminders. This unplanned pregnancy sure is the best lesson in life to NEVER be unprepared henceforth. God help me meet the challenges ahead and find solace, success and independence eternally.

Life sucks big time!

Al my previous posts voice out helplessness, especially about being self-sufficient. Believe me, I never felt so helpless.

Each day at work seems like a step into hell-hole but I am tied down for various reasons. I am so demotivated right now that I can not even think straight as to what is right or how I should defend myself from the brickbats.

My pregnancy is adding to my woes. I do not want to influence my innocent child into this depression that is creeping around me.

I hope there is a decent genuine permanent resolution from all this hell-hole at the very earliest, though I am preparing myself for the last resort to quit.

There are so many things to do and I am just losing all my enthusiasm in everything. Depression speaks big time and I want to get out of it. I have to get out of it.