My current wish list....

All I yearn currently is to have all the time in the world to be at my daughter's side and be for her and spend good quality time with my husband very often and enjoy all this as I am staying at my parents' place right now. To aid this now and forever, I sincerely hope that my husband and I are working in an office environment that is extremely flexible to our individual and couple needs and baby needs. Work has got to be extremely easy going with fair amount of creativity that keeps us interested individually in our projects. I hope to work with an extremely cooperative project team and trustworthy and fun-filled friendly writer team and an understanding cooperative manager. I hope I get a lot of very good friends at work who will always stand by me and these be long-term, frank, open, sincere friendships with healthy and ego-free competition. I also wish to do my best at home and work and maintain work-life balance and get to spend time for myself to indulge in my hobbies in the middle of all these responsibilities. I also wish for eternal financial freedom and comfort. Also, I wish for good health for baby, me, husband, parents, sister and in-laws. I also wish for parents to be able to have good financial and physical comfort always with good health and peace. I also very deeply desire to stay with husband and baby and family in a comfortable spacious house with good privacy, be it rented or own and the house (rented and own) should be in a safe locality that it makes it very convenient for us to travel to work soon, shop well with ease and send baby to school close to the house as she grows and good medical, postal, banking facilities at immediate reach with good trust-worthy neighbors. I also wish my sister studies well and scores well in all her exams and gets independent and responsible and level-headed very soon. I hope to also be strong, healthy, level-headed, patient and responsible always. I very sincerely wish my daughter always has good and safe surroundings to grow up in, has good health (mental, physical, emotional) and trustworthy good people around her. I hope we would be great parents for our daughter and she also is our obedient and smart daughter forever. I hope to have a very happy and peaceful married life and family forever and ever. :) I hope I improve all my skills and perform all my responsibilities (family or work or self) with ease and remain content always. God, please help me and make all my wishes to come true at the very earliest. Please help me.

itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki koshish ki hai....kehte hai agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho toh poori kaynath tumhein usse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai. Main apni saari khwaishon ko bahut jaldh poora hote hue dekhna chaahthi hoon. Bhagwan, meri madad karo aur mujh par daya karo. Dhanyawaad. 

Paradoxical twists - I can only sigh as of now

My daughter is now in her third month and making me realise that time is flying literally. She coos and smiles a lot when in a good mood. However, s-d does raise a havoc when she is irritated or hungry or troubled. Mood swings already. :-D I keep trying to figure out her mood swings and worry as to how I am gonna manage my career and her with my familial and spouse responsibilities. In the middle of all this, having just completed one year of marriage, I obviously miss my husband in all possible wa chances, anyway coming on Friday..... Grrrrr.... . ys. So does he. I wonder when we would start living together as he is still struggling to finalize house renovation plans. Lets see. Hoping for the worst and being prepared for the worst. God help us! Today, the duffer added to my already existing frustration. Calls up all of a sudden to announce that he is coming to pay us a visit as per his weekly deal. Then changes plans as his colleagues plan to drop in day after. Idiot. Bloody fool. Calls me two hours later when I have spent the time looking forward to spend time with him as and when possible. I pick it guessing why. He ls the visit coz its bike, rain. Hmmm. Also says anyway I am coming on Friday na! I am supposedly to not chide but be totally understanding. I so hate him. Why shud I go such mood swings when he is so cool. Aag tho Dono tharaf hai par ladka thoda teda hai. . So hate him and my situation. Hope life gets better and under my control soon. After all its my life in the first place.

life is beautiful?!

I miss my husband terribly. We have a daughter who is 17 days old today. She keeps me occupied 24 hours but I still feel incomplete. God help me sail thro this phase.

If all my previous posts were about hell at work, this one is sure to eat the cake. I am finding it difficult to live with my parents right now. My mom and I have gaps in trying to realise that she needs to attend to a pregnant woman's basic food needs. Cooks what basic she can... Not very enthusiastic to make it all d more special. Maybe she wants permanent freedom from the cooking department but this is so not the time to feel so if u have a dependent in my state. Last week was upma for dinner and again upma for breakfast. If ur still hungry, all get a small glass of horlicks. Today's dinner is some avial with white rice. U want more, a wheat dosa. If ur still hungry, horlicks in diluted milk. How is this healthy for a 8 month pregnant woman. My own sister felt the food was insufficient. She is just a normal 21 near old. Then imagine my state. The man of the house does not care a damn. He gets to satiate himself outside. Easy for him to compensate his desire. In my case, its no longer a desire to ask for special food. I realise she was not treated with extra care wen she was pregnant. So she finds my expectations quite unreasonable. Things r better after certain highs and lows so far. But still this was not how I wanted things to pan out in my dreams. Life is harsh. All the more worse coz I procrastinated and this causes rifts even in other spaces & relationships coz of constant reminders. This unplanned pregnancy sure is the best lesson in life to NEVER be unprepared henceforth. God help me meet the challenges ahead and find solace, success and independence eternally.

Life sucks big time!

Al my previous posts voice out helplessness, especially about being self-sufficient. Believe me, I never felt so helpless.

Each day at work seems like a step into hell-hole but I am tied down for various reasons. I am so demotivated right now that I can not even think straight as to what is right or how I should defend myself from the brickbats.

My pregnancy is adding to my woes. I do not want to influence my innocent child into this depression that is creeping around me.

I hope there is a decent genuine permanent resolution from all this hell-hole at the very earliest, though I am preparing myself for the last resort to quit.

There are so many things to do and I am just losing all my enthusiasm in everything. Depression speaks big time and I want to get out of it. I have to get out of it.

life and its loci points

I yearn for my freedom and for some things to remain just like how it was when I was single. I yearn to be self sufficient and independent in all arena. Companionship is appreciated but my wish list is getting clearly cross-connected. Sigh. My two immediate desires are to always remain self-sufficient to my contentment and become an all rounder in cuisine and driving. God help me achieve em ALL of my wish list at the earliest.

Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in one of my most abusive moods and yes, I shall also take advantage of the fact that my hormones can reach their peak and subside slow, thanks to oops baby.

What is this other gender filled with or made of? I am in no way going to say that XX gender is filled with vain and tenderness and care and love and selfless - bullshit in its own way in certain aspects. But XY gender is made up of, god knows what, out there.

The men who so badly sometimes make me wild but also love a lot in my life - My dad, my newly wed husband.

The man who has been oh-so-gentle, so far - My fil. Its true that I hardly know him but he has shown a lot of gentleness and dignity that obviously brings back the trust in me for men about some air of improvement.

The men who have been there to provide me humor, intellect, interests, sense of security and no consciousness of the gender difference - Few friends right from school to my previous work-place. Did not meet any such interesting men in college but it hardly matters.

The man whom I want to crush to death using a dinosaur - The *o** because he does not have the balls to use his common sense or empathize or appreciate or support. He can only behave like a robot.

I hate men who are MCPs. And I shall in no way take it lying low. And so should not any self-respecting person.

My man is a man in the true sense. Fun, smart, sharp, lazy, with a temper and also filled with so much logic that he can never easily get why women cry or laugh or yearn or nag. He sometimes has what Hermione rightly said - emotional range of a teaspoon. And yes, he can make me laugh and go wild as well. I sometimes wonder I married him and sometimes I so very well know the reason.

I so wish I knew Karan Johar type and had a best friend like him. No, I do not think he is gay - I just feel he can see beyond the emotional teaspoon range.

However, if there was a choice to skip marriage, I might have opted that as well. This blog is not going to cover the men who interested me or who got interested in me in the romantic sense. And that is because life is not about romance only and people behave different when in love. Maybe it is drugged.

I need to see how life shapes up with its swift changes and consequences in my lifestyle. I wonder how my personality will shape up in the coming years. But I know one thing for sure - marriage is sure a great teacher.