So unsure of myself - this phase is so new to me and at the same time so naturally me. I do not know what I want to do at work or in my personal life. And yes, it leaves me with such deep-seated qualms about my future that is almost 50 odd days away.
Finance is one of the main reasons for my jittery state of mind with so many other important responsibilities to be handled simultaneously - wife, dil, sil and not sure when the family expansion mode would set into the spouse once the knot is tied. I do not want to rush into that mode yet as the stepping stones are itself so steep. And how do I let go or not hold on to with the natural sense of zeal to my roots which is how I have been shaped down to the electrons in my mind/body.
Work-wise, I am neither pushing myself hard to get somewhere nor am I doing what I have been given with pleasure or infact any bit of interest. I know the world is moving too fast around me and I am just acting as if I have been stoned.
Romance is happening with its own peaks and lows. Stark opposite nature does cause friction and me being sensitive is just not the right dosage to heal the lows or move from the highs. I'd like to draw a line and work on myself before I throw myself into the sea of passion or belonging. Otherwise, wounds would occur so easily that nobody would know when what happened but the sore feeling would not be missed for a long long time.
Friendship also seems so out of touch with every friend getting busier. I thought I was independent but am emotionally still looking for an anchor. Books and short stories have been a consoling shoulder.
I should swim harder and get out of the sea of depression before it swallows me. New things beckon and I better not let it affect my work or my personal life. God, please help and throw the fishing net soon enough in some way.
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