Timing and its answers - Jigsaw puzzle to be put in place

Well, I can hear my stomach growling for food. I shall not pay heed. Coz I want to blog this one and then take off! :)

I always periodically have severe mood swings and I dont really know if its only coz of PMS. I am so lost that I have decided to find the key for this set of Pandora's box at the earliest! I am already mentally set out on this and am determined to give it a try atleast. It doesnt matter if the timing is going to be too early or too late. I need it for my peace of mind.

I was reading Chetan Bhagat's blog titled "Sparks". Beautiful one. He basically says that you should live your life with sparks and also make sure you tackle four mind-blocks - frustration, isolation, boredom and compromise. I keep thinking what he means by saying "Dont live life too seriously." :) Coz I get serious even about the smallest teeny-weeny matter that looks like it might go wrong.

His blog coupled with "Secrets" is only making me do something that I really never imagined to be doing. I did it once and the timing was too late. I am gonna do it again and I guess the timing would be early. What the heck, I would atleast unentangle myself from all-consuming concentric web around me.

My attitude is neutral and I feel that makes me feel old. I am going to do this to make myself feel like a 17 year old. :D

I am scared I would fall into the pits of depression if my timing screws me up. Its because its not just about me. Anyways, everything in this world can be mended with time.

On the other hand, I know this can be a fresh chapter in my life which can add spring to my every step where I will scale to heights of success and good spirits that I always wanted in every sphere of my life.

Yet, I am waiting for one single hint from somewhere to tell me if its right to go on or not. I shall wait until you know when. :)

Realisation and miracles

Hmmm........ What I thought was quite there is actually really really there. I was told so today and I believe it more now. I am going to see it materialize it in the coming days and I betcha I will be right. Miracles happen!

Waiting with fast-paced bated breath! :) Stay tuned.

Life aint just about one thing!

Talking of those concentric circles around me, I realised I cant let it take me completely like this. I was so depressed the whole of today. I had completely lost my mind. :) I was going to become my own worst nightmare if I lived like this.

I cant really talk it all out of my head to everyone or anyone since its such an entangled web. I sincerely wish I will be able to do that in a matter of some more time. I prefer lucidity than this foggy state of mind.

There are so many other things currently that demand my attention. I aint sure they are thoroughly enjoyable but they constitute an integral part of my life. So, I am gonna give those things their deserving due. :)

But kashish dil mein rahegi hi sahi! :) Talking of those concentric circles around me, I realised I cant let it take me completely like this. I was so depressed the whole of today. I had completely lost my mind. :) I was going to become my own worst nightmare if I lived like this.

I cant really talk it all out of my head to everyone or anyone since its such an entangled web. I sincerely wish I will be able to do that in a matter of some more time. I prefer lucidity than this foggy state of mind.

There are so many other things currently that demand my attention. I aint sure they are thoroughly enjoyable but they constitute an integral part of my life. So, I am gonna give those things their deserving due. :)

Par kashish dil mein rahegi hi sahi!

Also, I saw the movie "Serendipity" and it made me feel so much better. I was dying to see "Sleepless in Seattle" but the former movie made me feel good too. I am such a romantic fool! Ha ha. Life is all about everything and anything.

Caught amidst a web of concentric circles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm, well, wondering what the title means?! Tough to explain. These concentric circles are something that I put myself in both involuntarily and voluntarily.

There are 3 in total. The inner-most one is completely close-ended. The middle one is almost becoming close-ended but has some gaps. The outer-most circle is perforated and almost transparent.

The close-ended one is making me claustrophobic. Not anybody's fault but thats how it was meant to be, right from the start. I am trying to make some room to breathe. Its either taking its own time or I am destined to not get any of it. I sometimes just wish the circle almost vanishes. And sometimes I wish for the opposite.

The middle one is so mysterious that I might call it a mirage. It sometimes looks like its there and I yearn for it to become a perfect circle of contentment. But lo, it just keeps playing tricks on me.

The outermost one is mysterious in its own way and has a double-edge to it. Since its perforated all over, I am not really concerned about it. I believe I have the strength to handle it, come what may.

Now the catch is my focus is drifting towards the middle one from the closest one. And I wonder how things will turn out. I am not prepared but I am somewhat prepared too. I don't want the white flag.

Fortunately or unfortunately, many thick, thin and miraged concentric circles appeared and disappeared on their own in the course of time. Some have scarred me for life due to circumstantial misfitting. Some have been a learning. But I repeat I don't want the white flag with regard to the current focus.

"Itni shiddad se tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai... ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse mulane ki saajish ki hai. Kehte hain ki kisi cheez ko agar dil se chaho tho, poori kaayanath tumse use milane ki koshish mein lag jaathi hai. Aaj aap sab logon ne muje apni chaahath se mila diya. Iskeliye main aap sab ko tahe dil se shukriya adha kartha hoon. Hamaari hindi filmon ki tarah humaari zindagi mein bhi end mein sab kuch theek ho jaata hain. Aur agar kuch theek nahin hui tho, kahani abhi khatm nahin hui. Picture abhi baaki hain, mere dost" - One of my most favorite dialogues. I got goosebumps when I was watching Shahrukh tell it in Om Shanti Om. Life needs to tell me if its true. And I do believe its true.

I have no idea why life gets so intricately delicately complicated. Its nice to know some special things exist. Life is definitely interesting somehow because of that. But its sometimes exhausting too to see if its worth it since it means all the way.

"Unaccustomed Earth"

This is the latest collection of short stories by Jhumpa Lahiri.

I have fallen in love with it, if I can exaggerate. Jhumpa Lahiri always captures my attention 100%. Such intricate delicate emotions handled with such enormous strength and style. Phew! And I like her style of narrating. Its slightly placid and in passive voice but it draws you into the story as you read it. Her stories take my breath away, almost because they are just so realistic. Namesake did it to me. This time, its this one. Unputdownable.

I am zipping through it with nothing else to do during the weekend. The second short story was touching now. The first one was itself just so natural and free-flowing that I was already swimming in those mixed emotions for the father and daughter, not to forget the grandson Akash!

I can relate to those people so easily in her stories. I wonder why. Is it because her writings have a feminine touch and sentiment to her? Maybe. I can so easily feel what the girl's character goes through in the second story - as much as I've read it until now. The mother confesses the pain and tumultuous turmoil to the daughter wherein both have been through similar grief of losing out on a guy whom they each banked for love (though quite out of turn).

Now I know about four families - all of them Bengali (coz the writer is herself one). I wish she would write about other regional families too. One family is struggling to deal with a drunkard. Another family is about a couple who think love is out of their married life after spending 10 years together. They realise in the end that it has not actually vanished but was taken for granted so long, in very complicated ways and after getting hurt. :)

Kudos to J.L. :)

White Flag!

DIDO LYRICS

"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my favorite numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!! This whole song has its own reasons and is justified because love is different for every person. Dido has captured the nuance of this delicate line perfectly! :)

Seed of doubt

When a seed of doubt enters your head, what do you do? Jump to conclusions? Wait and see? The former indicates lack of patience and latter the contrary. The middle humanly approach would then be to exhaust all logical polite options of finding out if the doubt is worth it. Last but not the least and the best approach is, depending on the person's maturity level and sensitivity of the situation, to talk it out frankly.

I am yet to see if this middle approach works for me this time. I hate suspense, if it brings disappointing news with it. Sigh.