I keep thinking of my dad a lot nowadays. How much he has suffered for days and we did not half of it. Gentle soul, Om Shanti. He was a short-tempered guy but age, financial dependency and illness softened him a great deal. No wonder he became a better company whenever I got bored towards the last few years. He helped me set up the house when I moved to Vignana nagar. He did not get to see me shift to this other apartment...
His blessings - the house is now set up almost like how I can manage it. Thanks to Cisco, I am able to pay the increased rent and manage the house expenses at this point in time. I did have a thought that I must divorce my husband after one of my parent dies. Now that Daddy is gone, life has become very real now and I am understanding my past mistakes and the choices + consequences. Too expensive for my liking and I really cannot go back in time to change any of it.
This marriage is definitely a mistake. I don't know which other Tom-dick-harry I would have married, if not for this one. We are not right for each other, I realize it all the more with every passing day, especially after Daddy's death. I just have not been able to understand when I should end it. I know my folks will not be surprised if we get divorced. And it hardly matters what others think if and when we get divorced. My thoughts before I take the first step are:
- How will Samyuktha cope?
- Will I be able to take care of mom on my own?
- How will I handle my finances in the long run?
- When is the right time for me to initiate this conversation? It is not a surprise in any way for both of us and he has already diplomatically said that he will not initiate it and will not refuse it if this relationship gets to that point. So it is just a matter of when and how.
- What should I expect as his reaction whenever I ask for the divorce? I am not interested in his money or property. He is a miserly, selfish son of a bitch and an asshole at that.
- How should I take the first step and how do I respond when we take the step?
- Where should I go from here?
That brings me to note two incidents I observed when I saw how he and his folks behave with us or rather me.
Feb 1st - His mom's 79th bday falls on a sat. He indirectly pressurizes us to come to his place to participate. His sister complicates the plan by telling him to move the bday party to her apartment. Because the unsaid part here is that it is convenient for her to avoid booking a cab ride and the car will not be sufficient to chauffeur her son and her along with the 5 of us. Plus there is a new darshini right next to her apartment. I draw my boundaries as usual and we go from this side of town to his place in the evening. He then, as usual, makes confusing decisions about the cake and the route and takes us to her apartment late because of a massive traffic jam and different bad routes. She asks her son to serve water to all of us. She won't even cut the cake properly and finally when we go for dinner, its so crowded that my daughter had to adjust sitting on the not-so-clean seat and me next to her, and the bitch next to me with no elbow space. Some random light tiffin items that did not taste great are eaten and we leave after lazing in her apartment parking or lobby for 15-20 mins. Could have been 30 mins. Then we return at 11 pm again in traffic and his choice of bad route.
March 6th - His dad's 84th bday. Thank God, my daughter had her Science exam the next day and this is a weekday. I did not bother to call because the dementia patient won't know what to respond and his wife is definitely not someone to whom I want to talk. I did get to know from the husband that his sister, BIL and nephew are joining them because its a good outing - Vidyarthi Bhavan. Nephew's exams are almost done, she gets a free ride with her husband to and fro and she gets to eat in an iconic eatery. I did remind my child to show some interest to ask for the pics and talk about the outing. She was upset about the masala dosa. I was curious to see the pics - as usual, it was just about them. Not one pic with my husband it - he is the doer, she is the enjoyer. Few weeks ago, she asks him if she should come directly to the clinic when he had asked her to take his mom for her dental extraction. I mean - is it not evident that she is so blindly selfish and insensitive to ask if she must come to the clinic. He had to ask her for the chauffeuring because it was my b'day, followed by my daughter's. No common sense that the super senior citizens will need to be taken to the clinic. To add to this, her husband accompanies her to take the oldies to the dental clinic. And the old man vanishes at the leaving time - this perfect couple had to find him, bring him home and then go to the clinic. What an embarasment for my husband and his mom.
Two years ago, on my daughter's 11th bday, I cook and make something special but turned out not special for his parents (they did not like it but were polite to not say it) for lunch. And I needed a breather before the cake and snack coordination begins. And the husband wakes me up when I am tired and drifting off to sleep on the deewan because his mom needs the deewan. She is pleasantly shocked and tells him to not disturb me and can adjust with her husband in our bedroom. That incident taught me a lot about my husband. His mom did not once engage my nephew who was just a year old then. Not a smile or a gift of 100 rupees to bless him.
Why should I stay married to such a man?
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