Heights of dilemma!

Sigh!

To do or not to do is the biggest concern and dilemma in my life now.

Citrix, a company with quite good reputation took its own sweet time to offer me a job with a desired pay package at a lower designation level and have remained quite reserved about their work culture. During the interview time, I was very casual and laid-back as I was more keen in knowing the market expectations and my worth. My profile's worth was average but my company's profile was more of a convincing factor for Citrix to offer the job. However, they have been sometimes so employee-friendly in the interview rounds and sometimes so off-track. I really am tempted to join Citrix as it offers good pay, transportation + food free of cost, new domain experience etc. With my growing attraction towards JK, I find myself becoming clingy. Out of sight, out of mind might strengthen the relationship better and make me stronger and give him his space. Also, the hike in the pay would help me a lot to save up and pay off loans or splurge post-marriage. However, if the work culture is not like NetApp and ends up giving me shit loads of work to be completed without offering flexibility, then I do not want to land up with regrets and bitterness about changes that life is offering post-marriage. I tried giving my joining date expectations after a lot of rational thought. Am dying to hear something positive from them at the very earliest.

At the same time, I so badly do NOT want to quit NetApp for a lot of reasons like been here for 3+ years, known some of the people quite well along with the projects + processes, JK's presence though we hardly interact inspite of being in the same floor or same dept., gratuity amount, handle less surprises in addition to the biggest life-changing surprise called marriage, NetApp's market worth and my hopes to have a lifetime stint here until retirement and gratitude towards NetApp for giving many of my firsts in few things in life. However, the present management changes, politics and ego clashes in the team, product feature changes are keeping things so vague and frustrating to work. Also, post-marriage fears about heavy traffic along with long distance travelling and depending on JK on commuting makes me want to choose Citrix over NetApp.

All I want is a great job with great perks, great work culture, healthy environment to work with satisfaction and achieve success (monetary, mental, social and physical), good friends and a great work-life balance. Born in a middle class family, the money is very important to manage every small and big need in every way. Also, the mind needs to remain occupied, strong and positive for establishing healthy environment at home and work-place. God, please help SOON.