Caught unawares

The depression visits again. Catches me unawares and then my thoughts and actions get suspended in mid-air for quite a while. I procrastinate work and many other personal things. Sigh, I hate feeling so vulnerable and dissatisfied. It also makes me get very angry and frustrated easily - Believe me, I have road rage even without knowing how to drive a vehicle. Dangerous and dumb, eh? :D I should carry a placard with me 24/7 which reads "Caution: Mood swings ahead." Female species seems to be blessed that way in general. :D

However, I also pull up myself when nothing helps thro various mediums - like talking to a friend if I am lucky to find someone free, listening to a friend who sometimes is more depressed than me, having chocolates (he he... extremely tempting and handy rather than a person), shop till I drop (pinches my wallet), watch a nice movie, read a nice book, contemplate or speculate (if I am really sober and sensibility traces remain in my senses), cry it out and fall asleep. All these are obviously followed in random order.

Life aint so bad, they say. Also, I read a quote today - "Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." My my, it made me feel like I had found some answer at least, though not a complete one but definitely convincing one. Also, one of my friends forwarded a mail that summarized that "Blue Ribbon - Who you are definitely makes a difference". Its so touching and true. :)

I saw this movie - "Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who". Nice one to watch and feel good. Moral - "A person is a person, no matter how small". You should actually listen the narrator say it. His voice and the way he says it - Makes you feel really good and also realise everyone is special in this world.

Oh, to add to another movie that I recently watched - Tashan. One hilarious bullshit gross dumb irritating movie. Quite an Indian version of "The Dukes of Hazzard" (- a popular American TV show) and "Casino". I loved Akshay in it though. Kareena - Seriously, what a makeover - had the guys drooling and I admit she is looking HOT! :) Saif was just there - Poor thing! Akshay takes the cake home with his raw rustic charm and attitude. Tashan means "arrogant, dont-care but feel good attitude" or simply "ishtyle". Intention of the director to inspire people to throw attitude and ooze loads of oomph and confidence is fine. But the finishing of the movie was just not good. Lacked class and panache. Not an efficiently made movie script-wise. Could have been made so well. Bad luck. Goof-ups so bloody noticeable - Akshay gets shot in his arm in a stunt sequence and next scene, he is fit and fine. Please dont go to see that movie unless you're out of your mind! Well, you can see it if you dont want to apply any brains and are very jobless or last but not the least, a die-hard fan of any one of the lead actors. To be frank, I quite liked it but also wanted to walk out of the theater at many points.

Looking forward to watch "Dasavatharam". I quite enjoyed "Jodha Akbar" whose main themes were love and religion. I reckon "Dasavatharam" has its own take on religion - Kamal's creation. Lets see what he has got to say. I am so confused about all this religious and spiritual space. I like movies with a religion storyline when they narrate it with a beautiful soothing touch of poignance.

Girls should talk to guys - they are after all not just that dumb when it comes to technology. :D I faced quite a tough situation with my office laptop one of these days and as usual, the IT helpdesk were taking their own time. I broke my head to fix the issue on my own and thanks to one of my friends, I was able to solve it in time. I recalled one of the conversations that I had had with this guy and tried his time-tested technique. Voila, it worked! :D

Apart from all this, I have to mention this - I had been to a wedding reception recently. It involved quite a turn of events which made me realise what a romantic fool and emotional wreck I am. I was in two minds about attending it for 4-5 days which made me realise I was getting quite obsessed about it. By the end of it all, it was quite worth it coz I felt good after that. I also realised that if I really wanted to do something, I will do it, no matter what. Should I call it Tashan, eh? :D I got the support of a few people on time to do what I wanted - true. Thanks to them, I can boast of the Tashan. :D

Coming back to my mood-swings, work-life balance is something I crave to master. Work gets so hectic and sometimes I wonder why the hell I should do it. To add to it, control my rage and sensitive attitude. I am such a touchy person - gets really tough for my close loved ones to handle me in some situations.

I can relate to quite an extent to the two women in "A Thousand Splendid Suns" - Khalid Hoseini has captured their thoughts in such a beautiful way - I have no words to describe his precision. One unputdownable read.

However, I must say that I am growing up gradually and hopefully will evolve into a better person in the coming years. Its not easy to manage a married life and then be a good parent itseems. Sigh, I hope I learn to do my best and remain in my senses by then when I enter such phases in the days coming ahead. :) Friends keep you rooted and time is the best healer after friends. I want to be able to maintain such friendships forever, no matter what. Lets see. Where there is will, there is a way. :)

Cheers to Tashan, Khaled Hoseini, Blue Ribbon and Romance..... Life is quite an interesting mystery. :)